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How I Saved My Marriage
|My Story |
My husband's involvement and attraction towards me was fading away. It was only a matter a time before he would ask for a divorce. Even though I knew it would happen soon I was in a state of shock when the moment finally arrived.
I did what I could to cope with it all. I derived a �what's wrong with us� list. Then followed it up with a �how to improve� list. I gone through episodes where I pleaded with my husband, tried to talk him out of it, cried while bluntly begging and other usual responses and tactics from someone who doesn't want a divorce. We tried counseling without success. In desperation, I suggested a trial separation hoping that he misses me and things would go back to normal.
Story continues - read what happened next
I Was Wrong
It was unfair what I did to you. And it is unfair of me now to ask for forgiveness. I know what I did was wrong and I realized how much I bruised your heart. I did not comprehend how much you meant to me at the time because it was only then that I was afraid of commitment, afraid of being hurt and afraid of love. I am not condoning my actions, only explaining the seemingly trivial reasoning behind them.
Whenever I would get close to love I would do anything to ruin the chances of a successful relationship. I have always been a coward, you see., and scared of becoming emotionally wounded. To protect myself and my heart I would be the one to demolish the relationship before there was ever a chance to become hurt. I would purposefully hurt others. I was afraid and I was a fool.
I thought maybe you were just another chance. I saw that we were becoming close and I ended that chance before it ever became a reality. But only after I hurt you in such a terrible way did I see that I really just hurt myself. It tore me up just to see your pain and hear it in your voice. This never happened before. And the I realized this awful feeling which only existed along with the emptiness I created when I was alone and without you. It was truly the worst feeling, worse that any pain or heartbreak you could ever have inflicted upon me and I deserve every drop of its vile sickness. I hurt the first person I have ever truly loved.
Although I am wallowing in a pit of my own self-created misery, there is a good side to all that I have done. I see now the problems I have caused and the mistakes I have made. I no longer want to run and hide from love that can be life consuming, fulfilling and even possible treacherous to the heart. You have made me desire what I have always turned my back on: a loving romance.
I will apologize every single day until the day we die if you like. I will shout out my love for you from the mountaintops, I will announce to to everyone and anyone. If only you give me this chance to make it up to you I will do anything your heart desires. I know I do not deserve a second chance, not after I treated you in such a terrible way, but I will do my best to make it up to you if only you could see through my past horrible mistakes. And if you are unable, I will understand, my love. And I will still offer you my solemn vow to never again treat another soul the way I have treated you. This will be my last and most precious gift to you. Take comfort in knowing that you have changed the life of one individual for the better and the world owes you a debt of gratitude for it.
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