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Dear Diva Rebecca,
Do you think I should stay in relationship with a girl who is two years older than me? I am 19 and she is 21. She says she loves me now but she also says that she is not deeply in love with me. She also says that I shouldn't count on her even being with me tomorrow. She says that the age matters in between us but for now she is content to be with me. However, she stays with me secretly. No one knows about our relationship and that is the way she prefers to keep it. Not our family or friends.
Dear Young Lover,
You are young and perhaps you don't know the signs of fling. If you were a little older and a few years wiser in the relationship department, you would realize that the signs this girl is giving you are about the size of a highway billboard. She is telling you quite blatantly that she is not that into you and this is just a relationship of convenience for her.
Please allow me to point out a few of the obvious signs.
- She has told you that she loves you "now". "Now" is the key work in this scenario. When someone says, "I Love You"....it is never followed by a "today" or a "right now". When you truly love someone, you love them unconditionally and not just for the moment. You love them for always...at least you presume to. If I told my husband that I loved him and he responded with, "Yeah, I love you today, too", I don't think I would take that too well. It is insinuating that tomorrow he perhaps won't love me.
- She has told you that she is not deeply in love with you. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out. She is already giving herself the easy out when it comes time for her fling to be over with you. So when she wants to dump you, you won't be able to retort with, "But I thought you loved me?". She will all too easily remind you that she told you she was never deeply in love with you. Perhaps she will give you the cheesy old line, "I love you like a friend".
- She has told you that age matters. Okay, here she is giving you yet another excuse for your inevitable break up. She would rather date older guys. Most women do. That is...until they hit 40 and get divorced. Then those 20 year old hotties start looking pretty damn good.
- She is keeping your relationship a secret. Now this has got to tick you off. She is basically telling you that you are not good enough for her and she is embarrassed about your relationship for some reason or another. When you truly love a person, you want to shout it to the world, no matter who the other person is. I remember dating someone for a while, whom I fell in love with, who was not very attractive. In fact, people gave him strange looks and made jeers at me for being with someone so strange. But I couldn't help the way I felt about him and I was proud to be with him. The fact that this girl wants to keep your relationship a secret tells me that she could care less about you or your feelings.
I understand you are young so I am not going to ream you too hard, although I would like to. These are hard lessons of life and love that you need to learn the hard way. Remember that real love has a certain amount of mutual respect between two people. Is this girl giving you any respect at all? No. It is time to move on my dear.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.