Dear Diva Rebecca,

I dated a man a long time ago I met when I was 18. He was devoted to me in our 20's. I was not. Due to family illness, I moved to San Francisco to get away. He came out to visit me and asked me to move home but I would not. I started seeing other people. We dated on and off in a long distance relationship but then we both married other people. We are now 60 and got back in touch with each other. We have been visiting each other and have fallen back in love. He, after I asked if we could ever have a relationship, said he wanted to be friends for now -he was starting his own tax business and was very stressed the whole time I was there. But his actions showed he cares. I call him - he has only called me twice - apologizes for his long work hours. I think it is better to let him take the lead now. He wants to visit after tax season over. I am not going to call him anymore until he calls. Am I right in keeping my distance? He thinks he is bad in relationships and does not have much to offer but I know that is not true.

Sincerely,

Long Lost Love,
San Francisco, California

Dear Long Lost Love,

As people get older, they are less eager to jump into relationships like they used to. When you are older you have more assets, more family, more baggage and you are much more careful when contemplating a relationship. An older person has more to lose, is wiser and is able to take their own sweet time. Older people want to be friends before lovers. They are smarter, more mature and they have already made the rounds in the dating world. They have what younger people lack in terms of relationships: experience. Therefore anyone in their 50's and 60's take time and are more apt to exercise caution when dating.

This guy just wants to get to know you better. You have hurt him in the past and he is not going to let that happen again. I am sure he knows that your intent is serious and loving, but he is still going to make sure. He does not want to allow himself to get too emotionally attached for now. You may want him to make all of the moves but you are going to have to make some effort in this case because he is not going to want to make all of the moves. He wants to see your interest level, he needs to.

Also, if I know anything at all it is about starting a business. When you have your own business you are hooked. It is a terribly addictive thing to try and start up your own business. I want to work all day and night on mine and my lover continuously suffers. I love him to death but I get hooked on working on my website, making connections and optimizing marketing strategies. I do not mean to ignore him at all, it is just that easy to lose track of time. Not only does your guy have his own business, but he is also having the busiest time of the year, tax season. The bulk of his work is in one month. He is most likely working day and night so do not fret if he is not calling you. He is swamped and in the weeds. Call him, he will appreciate the breather. But do not call too much as you will break his heavy concentration and you may just end up frustrating him. Fortunately, you have a light at the end of the tunnel.....April 15th.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca