Dear Diva Rebecca,
I need some help here. I was with the man of my dreams and I left him because my mom had a cancer scare. When my mom told me she had cancer I broke up with my boyfriend so I could take care of my mom. My mom lives in a different state so it was just hard to focus on a relationship having to take care of my mother while being a single mother simultaneously. I felt I was in over my head and I couldn't manage all at once. So I let go of the one person who loved me unconditionally . He took it very hard. He would call my oldest daughter and cry and tell her how much he loved me and wanted to be back in my life. I felt so badly about it, but I was in no position mentally to be in a relationship with him while taking care of my mom. To make a long story short my mom is doing so much better. It has been 3 months . I have realized that I want to get back with him and now he wants nothing to do with me. Which I totally see why. He brings up all of the times he begged me to come back, and now he feels that I just expect him to come back to me when I want it. I know he is hurt, but deep down I know he still does love me. He is just guarded. Is it possible for us to reconcile? What do I need to do to win his heart back ??

Sincerely,

Full Plate,
Lacey, Washington

Dear Full Plate,

I think there is an important lesson to learn here. I often hear about people dropping their significant others simply because they have too much to handle and they think that love will only complicate their lives even further. It could complicate things in some ways, but if it is a good love, a strong and dependable love, that love will be the force which helps you get through all of the obstacles you are facing. You said yourself that it was difficult taking care of your mom and being a single mother. Well, your ex could have been the one to help you out with your children while you attended to your mom. But instead, you viewed the relationship as something to impede you. In this case, you were wrong.

Not only that, but why should anyone throw away love just because things get tough? Going through struggles together is what makes love strong. I am sure he feels used and abused right now. And he probably feels like you will do the same thing again if things get rough for you. You will just run away each time you can't deal. I don't blame him for thinking that.

What you need to do is realize that you can't just throw away a good thing because you have too much on your plate. It is a lame thing to do and a little heartless as well. If the relationship had been a bad one, then by all means get rid of it. You should make your life as happy as possible. But from what I gather, you had a happy relationship. You called him the love of your life. You can't just throw that away and expect him to be hunky dory about it. But I see that you already know this. So again I say that you need to come to the conclusion that running away is not a good idea when you have something good. And once you realize it, stick to your new found convictions and run with them. If you do it again to him, it will most likely be the last time.

And for now you are just going to have to suck it up and let him know that you were wrong and why. You will need to convince him of your devotion and let him know how sorry you truly are....over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. He is not just going to come running back to you after one little apologetic conversation. It is going to take time and effort on your part. You are going to have to show him that you are not going to run away again simply by sticking around for as long as it takes to convince him of your sincerity. Not giving up on him just might prove to him, in the end, that you really do love him!

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca