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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I have a boyfriend of four and a half years. We have recently bought a house together, so the relationship is pretty serious. The first couple of months we were together, he wouldn't let me go. He would call me "baby" and kiss my cuts to "make them better" and love on me all the time. Now, he does NOTHING. He doesn't call me "baby" or love on me or anything, until it's time for bed if you know what I mean. He comes home from work, and sits on the couch until it is bedtime. This is really starting to bother me. I feel so insecure and I feel like he doesn't love me anymore or something. I don't know what to do.
Dear Stale Bread,
This is a common topic. I get this one all of the time. What you have to realize is that four and a half year is a long time and it is also something you should be proud of. It seems odd but people stay together for less and less periods of time. People don't stay married for that long anymore. The people who can stay together and form a successful bond that endures for their entire lives while fighting the many obstacles that married couples always face are rare people indeed. We are not the same people our grandparents were. Getting married and divorced a couple of times seems normal. In our grandparents' age we would have been excommunicated from our family, town and church.
When you first start dating someone you feel like a brand new person. Everything seems fresh and alive. You feel like you are cloud nine and nothing could ever pull you down. When you know that you both feel just as excited, that is when true romance blossoms. You dote on each other left and right, make up pet names for each other, stay glued side by side never letting go of one another's hand and you giggle like school children. New love is an amazing feeling and when it is right it can force a powerful feeling of mutual love and respect that will bind you two for life. That feeling of "oneness" never really goes away. But that excitement of the early period can not stay forever.
It is completely natural for the excitement to wear away. That does not mean that he still would not walk the ends of the earth for you. He just feels like he does not need to show it as much. He is happy where he is because he knows that he has you. You don't see too many couples that have been married for years and years saying things like, "Hello snuggy-bunny love! How is my little cuddly-wuddly googly bear doing tonight?" Nope, that sort of crazy and infatuated love trance seems to die down after a while. Don't freak out babe, this is completely normal.
You are not going to be able to try and force him into treating you the way he once did. But I do have some suggestions for spicing things up a bit. First, you should not let him feel so complacent in the relationship as he feels now. Hey, you need a little love and attention. Keep him on his toes and allude to the fact that he does NOT have you wrapped around his finger like he thinks he does. This will make him want to try and make sure that he, and he alone, has your complete attention and devotion. Hey, he does not want his little world shattered at this point. Second, stop focusing on him. Move your attention to yourself. Certainly do NOT nag him about the situation because negative attention only makes the situation worse, I promise. Focus on making your life better. Go out there and get a hobby and find something that you can do with the girls. Take my Diva column for example. Sometime no one can rip me away from this, even my man. Third, you need to find physical activities that both of you can engage in. When you "play" together you become more alive. Energy is flowing and your minds will be more clear. Exercise is good not only for the body but also for the mind and spirit. It will also help you from seeing him just plop idly on the couch for long periods of time. You can get closer to someone while doing "something" rather than just watching the ol' boobtube. Try finding something that he loooves to do....like fishing for example.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.