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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I fell in love with a guy. But he says he's gay and he has a boyfriend. Even though he says he's gay I don't think he actually is. He is tall, has a lot of muscles, and has a really manly voice. I think that he only thinks he's gay because he told me that on his first day of high school some kids were making fun of him and called him homosexual. But I think that he
might kinda like me too because I've already caught him looking at me then he suddenly turned around and pretended he wasn't looking. What should I do? How do you think I could attract his attention?
The Other Team,
Fort Walton Beach, Florida
Dear Other Team,
First of all, you are not in love. You have an intense crush. That is not love. Love is when you have a deep emotional connection with someone and the feeling is reciprocated. I always tell people that you can not actually love someone unless they love you back. At least, the love is not as full as it could and should be. You can't really attach a definite label or description to love. But still, when you have a deep lustful attraction to someone you just met, you can hardly call that love. I would call it LUST. One of my favorite words.
Let's move on to important point number two. This man did not tell you he was homosexual because he only "thinks" he might be. He also did not tell you he was gay in hopes that you would chase him. When a man tells you he is gay, it is because of two possible reasons. 1) Because he really wants to get rid of you. This would be classified as a severely desperate attempt to get rid of a highly annoying individual. If you have the faintest notion that a man might be telling you he is gay when he really is not, you should back off. He just went to the farthest reaches of desperation and in an truly brave attempt where losing his manliness is concerned, he told you he was gay just to get rid of you. You can consider this worse than a "kiss off" letter. 2) Unbelievably, he is actually gay. And just so you know, the easiest conclusion is usually the correct one.
So now you actually think he might be attracted to you even though he told you he was gay. You are hearing noise in the static, darling. Many women are attracting to men that they can't have. I remember this one girlfriend of mine who had a male suitor she didn't care for her. No matter how much he groveled over her, she would not give him the time of day. One day this gentlemen fell in love with another woman and began to have a serious and committed relationship with her. And that is when quite suddenly my girlfriend found him desirable. She commented to me, "He seems so much more confident. A guy just seems sexier when he already has a girlfriend". She even went after him after that. This guy is so attractive to you because he presents a challenge. He seems unattainable and that can be a turn on.
You really need to realize that this man IS unattainable. He is gay and there is nothing you can do to change this. The one thing you can do is show him respect. Respect this individual by supporting his lifestyle and how he wants to live. Trying to change the person he is would be considered disrespectful. Be his friend and companion. He is gay and there is nothing wrong with this but by trying to change him you are telling him that his lifestyle is wrong. Girl, that will only cause him to dislike you and I wouldn't blame him!
If you really need a visual to understand things better, put yourself in his shoes. Imagine a new girlfriend in your life who thinks you are hot and wants to convert you to lesbianism. You might be flattered, but an extensive chase would only eventually tick you off.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.