i go for the wrong guys

Dear Diva Rebecca,

I'm a well-educated (PhD), 32 year-old successful professional with a face that men often call pretty or cute and a fitness routine that keeps me healthy (mentally and physically). I was a late bloomer in the dating world and admit that I'm naive relative to women of the same age. I fall in love deeply and become attached to men with "special" needs. My last love suffers from mild depression and won't seek help. I found out 2 months into the 5 month relationship (he dumped me because he didn't feel enough emotions to move forward.) I never pressured, just hoped that if I stayed, loved, and waited, he would get help and the depression would decrease. It's been 2 weeks since the break up, I'm still in love but for my own sanity, I asked him not to call or email (he's extremely indecisive and I wanted some peace of mind.) I think he may be "the one" due to similar core values and shared tenderness/thoughtfulness for one another. I know that a future with him will be a roller coaster ride, but what relationship doesn't have its ups and downs? Is this love or compassion?

Sincerely,

Challenged Lover,
Independence, Missouri

Dear Challenged Lover,

I am going to give you my absolutely honest opinion and be blunt with you. Get out now while the gettin' is good. You have a wide open exit right now so I would take it if I were you.

A five month relationship is a good long time to get to know someone, but in the grand scheme of things it is only the tip of an iceberg in a relationship. You may have found some good qualities that you cherish in this gentlemen and he may have some outstanding surface attributes. Everyone can look good on the outside. Now that you got to know him a little better you discovered that he is in an unstable condition. Depression is a terrible illness and it will take down not only him but everyone else around him including you. Are you seriously willing to give up the rest of your life to experience the dreary life and constant struggle that would be if you married this depressed man? Girl, you are only in your low thirties. You hopefully have another 60 to go. I think you can find someone that suits you a little better.

I am not trying to be harsh and say that you should throw back the defective ones. Everyone has a problem and no one is perfect. But he is the one that wants a break from you. This is probably in part due to the depression itself, but I would use this opportunity to move on. Everything happens for a reason. I think the breakup should be your first big clue. Now, if you just found out he was depressed, and you had been dating for years or a long time and he wanted to stay with you, I would say the opposite. I would tell you to fight for him and stay by his side while he seeks treatment. In your case, you need to seek greener pastures.

You also told me that you are new to the dating game and that you are a little behind when it comes to relationships. If that is true, I can assume that you have not had too many long term relationships. At your age, your probably just received your PhD, or not too long ago, and for the last 11 years or so your nose has been crammed in between the books instead of sniffing out the hotties in the club scene. But don't worry, you will catch on soon. You will meet many guys and you should date a lot. There will be a guy out there who will go crazy over you and you will feel the same way about him. But you need to wait for that one instead of trying to settle for whoever is right there in front of you.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca