Dear Diva Rebecca,

When it comes to dating, I'm a bit of a late bloomer, as I did not have a serious girlfriend until I was 19. So it logically follows that I'm also a bit inexperienced when it comes to breaking up with women. I've broken up with two girlfriends, and I tried to be gentle and diplomatic each time, but things did not go as smoothly as I would have liked. I considered both girls to be level headed, mature women, and not emotionally unbalanced in any way. My first girlfriend became very tearful and depressed, and said she felt like a huge loser. I of course consoled her, but I still felt badly that she took it that way. The second breakup was more of a shocker. We were at a coffee shop that we used to hang out at a lot. For most of the conversation, she seemed very much in agreement with what I had to say. Then, when I led up to the part that it was probably best we go our separate ways, her demeanor changed completely. She seemed very much insulted, and told me that she wished me the best of luck in finding someone who was more suitable. Then she slapped my face and walked out. Everyone looked over, and it was embarrassing to say the least. Are these the standard types of reactions that I can expect, or does it appear that I'm doing something terribly wrong?

Sincerely,
Heartbreaker
Gambier, Ohio

Dear Heartbreaker,

I would have to say that you are not doing anything wrong. Wrong would be leaving her a message on her voicemail and then never speaking her again. Wrong would be sending a "breakup" email and let her read it while she is at working leading to a terribly emotional day at the office. Wrong would be doing it over the phone instead of in person. The style and manner in which you dealt your final blow was perfect. You sat down with both of them, explained your feelings and then calmly stated your resolution. No, you did not do anything wrong but yes, this is a standard type of reaction you can expect. Every woman is different and it all depends on how they handle rejection.

The only problem you have is your inability to sympathize with their feelings. You must try to be a little more empathetic, that is...try and understand what rejection feels like without having dealt with it yourself. However, this will be a little difficult to do until you actually understand how it feels to be dumped when you get dumped yourself. Right now I bet hundreds of men and women are reading this email and secretly hope that you get dumped soon only because most have all been on the other side of the fence...and they all hold contempt for that person who rejected them.

As you have said, you are inexperienced in these matters. Trust me the day will come when you begin to fall for a wonderful woman, and then she will cut you loose when you least expect it. It happens to everyone my dear. Then you will be able able to look back on these women and understand why they acted so strange. Even if it seemed like you both felt the same way and it didn't seem to be working out, the one who gets the boot is the one who gets hurt. They also say that the one who breaks up first....wins.

For most people, dealing with rejection is very difficult. It is a major blow to the ego and to protect that ego, people have different ways of dealing with it. A lot of people lash out. The anger gives them a physical way to defend their ego and the attack feels good and and gratifying. Some people cry and become depressed right away which can get worse over time. They are actively searching for someone (namely the person who rejected them) to comfort them and make them feel better. When this does not happen, the depression becomes worse. Most people experience a combination of many different ways to handle rejection. It is like a roller coaster of emotions and there are many steps that someone goes through very much akin to the steps of grief. Also, some people say that men and women handle rejection differently. I disagree because it makes that statement is misleading. It depends solely on the person.

So don't worry my little heartbreaking stud. Have no doubt in your mind that you did everything properly. Also please realize that you probably have not experienced your worst break up yet. Just wait until you break up with that little psychotic bitch disguised as a sweet young girl. Expect everything from being stalked, having your email broken into, having your tires slashed, finding terrible rumors flying all about you and your impotency problem and having every new girlfriend afterwards terrorized. Just a friendly warning.

Sincerely,
Diva Rebecca