Dear Diva Rebecca,

When my boyfriend and I broke up he started talking to girls on the Internet and he got some new girl friends. Now that we're "talking" again, it bothers me that one particular girl keeps calling. He even told me that they're just friends and he is not going to give his girlfriends up because I made him do that in the past. But what bothers me is that when we weren't together he used to send them little cute notes and stuff but he says it was nothing and that every one of his girlfriends know about me and what we have. But yesterday we were at the mall and that one particular girl calls him and he tells her he is with me so they hang up. But she keeps calling and calling. Is she doing it to make me mad or what? In a way I feel I am the one to blame because I'm overreacting if they're just friends, but I hate the thought of when I'm not with him or I'm at work and he is talking to her. So now I'm confused on what to do. Should I just forget it and leave him alone and force myself to accept the fact that he does have girlfriends?

Sincerely,

Sensitive Girl,
Ivoryton, Connecticut

Dear Sensitive Girl,

You have every right to feel slighted by this man. He is completely manipulating you. He is telling you that if you want to keep him, you must endure the fact that he has other girlfriends. He is using this technique to make you feel trapped. As you said before, you were very upset that he would have many other girlfriends. My guess is, that is probably one of the reasons you broke up. I bet he did not want to comply with your wishes and so he broke up with you over this issue. He knew you were upset over the break up and you wanted him back. After you got back together, he tells you that if you want to keep him, you must endure the other women. Basically, he is having his cake and eating it too. he knows that you do not want to end the relationship again, so he gets to do anything he wants. What a jerk.

This man has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. A blind man could see this. You do not see it because you are blinded by love and adoration. You need a wake up call. He sends these other women cute messages, do you really think he is not seeing any of them on the side? He tells you he is not but I highly doubt it. There is always the chance he is telling you the truth but he is still being very disrespectful towards you. If he truly loved you with every bone in his body, these other women would not be an issue. You must not let the threat of him breaking up with you scare you into not speaking your mind. You deserve better than this treatment.

You can not force someone into doing what you want. You will not be able to give him an ultimatum: The other girls or me. Ultimatums never work. He should be making this decision on his own. However, I would tell him calmly and sweetly that you do not like it. Do not tell him in an angry tone, just let him know it bothers you. He will most likely keep it up because he is very disrespectful towards you anyways. Now if he can do what he wants and talk to many other woman, so can you. He needs a taste of his own medicine. I am not telling you to go get involved with some other guys, but feel free to make some new friends of your own. Go out with some new male friends and have them call you all of the time. If he gets upset, oh well!

Eventually, he will get upset but do not ever let it go into the argument phase. If he brings up the issue, which he inevitably will, just keep smiling. Smile the whole time, as if you were incredibly happy at your new found social life. Let him know it bothers you too with his other women so you merely want to put yourself in his shoes and you love your new friends now! But you love him and if he wants you to stop, you will, but only on the condition that he stops too. Remember, do not let tempers flare in this scenario because the more calm you remain, the better things will turn out for you.

If after a few months this man does not change at all, dump him. He manipulates you too much and you need to gain some of that control back.


Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca