Dear Diva Rebecca,

My husband and I have been married for a little over five months now and it is so awesome. Both of us have had previous marriages that were a disaster at best. We have been together a little over a year now and I have a question I need to ask someone about. He often likes to wear my panties. He is not gay and he is not weird in anyway but I feel strange about it. It is kind of cool in a way. He says he likes the way they feel and it makes him feel closer to me. I just wanted your thoughts, outlooks or whatever on this.

Sincerely,

Silk Panties,
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma

Dear Silk Panties,

Actually, a guy that gets turned on by wearing women's panties is normally the furthest thing from "gay". Believe it or not. This is a quite common fantasy that very masculine men indulge in. The only problem that can result from this kind of fetish comes from the lack of understanding why this fetish turns them on. The female partner starts to assume that he is gay or that something could be very wrong with him. The man, himself, thinks he could be a freak or have some latent homo-sexual tendencies. The fact that he can tell you he likes to wear your panties is a good thing. He trusts you with his fantasy and he is secure with himself.

The logic behind this fantasy is due to the guilt he feels being masculine. To fully understand where fantasies are derived you must understand that it is impossible to get sexually aroused while feeling any kind of guilt or anxiety. So, people make up different scenarios and have different fantasies that alleviate this guilt. With the man who wear panties, he usually feel very guilty about his masculinity, probably towards his mother. He may have even grown up with a very weak father. He feels that his masculinity overpowers women and in a very bad way. By wearing panties, he can "identify with the victim" and he feels better about himself. Then he can remain masculine and get aroused in a masculine way (an erection).

This may be hard for you to fully understand so what you should do is think about your own fantasies. What is it that turns you on? Next, think about what kind of guilt or anxiety this might be alleviating. I would also suggest buying the book "Arousal" by Dr. Michael Bader.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca