He Doesn't Treat Me Like a Girlfriend

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Dear Diva Rebecca,

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months and when we are together alone, everything is great. But when we are in public, I feel rejected. He always walks a few feet in front of me, won’t hold my hand and always introduces me as his friend rather than his girlfriend. He acts like he is ashamed to be seen with me. When I bring this up to him he apologizes but quickly changes the subject and I am starting to feel stupid for bringing it up, like I am nagging him. Am I just over analyzing things? Am I too sensitive?

Sincerely,

Sheepish and Insecure,
Moose, Wyoming

Dear Sheepish,

No, my dear, you are not simply too sensitive and you are not over analyzing things. It isn’t you who is insecure, it is him. Most likely, he doesn’t like to be involved in public displays of affection. He has a personal No PC rule. A lot of people are like that. And it creates a major incompatibility problem between you two.

I don’t know him personally. He could, for all we know, just not be that serious about you. He could be a player and wants everyone to know he is single and available. We just don’t know for sure. But you have already brought up the issue to him and he still has not made you feel more comfortable so I don’t think this is a match made in heaven.

People who blend well together UNDERSTAND each other. They are happy to accommodate each other and they do little things to make the other smile. A small amount of public affection in any form is something which you probably need and he doesn’t want to give it. So basically, the longer you stay in this relationship, the more miserable you are apt to become. You can’t force him to be more affectionate in public. It is something you can only ask him to do. And if he doesn’t, he probably won’t.

In my opinion, you would be much happier moving on and finding someone who makes you happy and who compliments you. And, if you left this guy citing this very problem which you described, who knows? He might realize that he actually has to make you happy if he wants to keep you and he could change. It is a possibility. I am only telling you to move on because you have only been dating for a few months. A few months is not a long time at all. And the problem you described is a pretty big one. There are guys out there who are more on your level.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca

Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.

Comments..(Not Questions)

Jess
06 Oct 2008, 15:00

I can tell you that I understand what you are going through. Trust me when I say he is not worth it. Some guys are all about "self" and "ego". This guy I was dating was only interested in hanging out (like people in relationships do) and then having sex. It was all so confusing to me because he never wanted to put a label on what we had and claimed that we were just friends and that he didn't know what he wanted. But it didn't take me long to recognize that he that he wasn?t worth my time. The hardest part was over time when us women sleep with men we catch feelings. So the sooner you get out the better! Something better came along. You will meet someone who is much better and wants to take it to the next level with you so make room for it to happen kick this jerk to the curb! Don?t sell you?re self short with this guy. Stay away from the losers! They are out there. But not all men are the same so don?t judge this loser to be the same as the rest. He sounds like a player and treats you very poorly. Why sell your self short. I see it happen all the time. Women need to step up and not allow these types of men walk all over us.

Jess
06 Oct 2008, 14:59

Santhosh
02 Oct 2008, 02:48

Hi,

This is santhoshi from bangalore.

I have only one gal friend. she is very very beauty both we are loving past 9 years.
still 6 months both are be deep close. now also but even though last 3 weeks she didn't called me. I dont know why she is not calling. Last week i received one offline msg that is "Hi da how are you, Love I you so much, Improve your life, take care " Like tht i receied one msg. Again day before yesterday i received one msg that is "I love u darling "

afte that there is no call there is no msg even there is no offline msg also.

I am so confuse pls let me the resons

I am waiting for you reply
yours truely
santhosh

Alpha Dominance
26 Sep 2008, 15:21

If he is an alpha male he will take the lead when walking down the sidewalk. The fact that he doesn't publicly avow that he's your girlfriend however simply means he's either not yet sure how he feels about you, or he wants to keep his options open. Have you had a discussion on your exclusivity? If not you'd best not assume it. This needs to be explicitly stated. It does sound to me like you have your own insecurities to address. You've only known the guy for a few months. Take your time. Also, if you haven't been physically intimate, you aren't his girlfriend in his eyes. Men need sex to feel love, period. Otherwise it's simply lust and even then it may be. For a better understanding of the alpha male, look here www.alphadominance.com

Alisha
26 Sep 2008, 11:34

I think it is time to say good bye and send him on his way...I don't know about you. But if that was me i wouldn't let no man act like that to me. Anyways good look.

rana
19 Sep 2008, 13:29

heey...i have this love problem and iam sure in need for help...he is a guy in our class ,,i have known him for 2 years and i love him soo much ...bt i dont knw if he does too...as he sometimes come to me and start talking and he calls me everyday to ask abt exams bt i dunno if that is his point.. i rly dont knw if he love me...and sth else that his bestfriend was in love me before a year bt i rejected him because i love that guy,,,i rly dunno iam not that beautiful bt i can say that iam not ugly bt iam cute ,,,i rly love him and i dunno wat to do or how to show him that i love him or wat to do to make him see me as his love ...plz tell should i forget all abt this of wt should i do?

Anita
18 Sep 2008, 08:26

So me and this guy have been in a sort of relationship for about 4 months. Anyways we had decided on an open relationship because its a long distance thing. So he had always texted me called me and we kept things great! He called me his angel and i completey fell in love. Btw i am completely in love with him. Anyways about 3 days ago he says he feels bad because he turned down this girl, later he goes on and says he likes her and wants to ask her out. Of course I am hurt beyond measure even though technically he is allowed to since it is an open relationship. So he knows that I am upset and he tell him and he says that he loves me and sorry he is hurting me. He goes on and says he knows what love is because he found me and he will never stop loving me even when he is with this girl. So now Im confused why he would leave the one he loves for the one he likes. And why he would hurt me so bad.

taylor
07 Sep 2008, 14:39

okay..well where do i start me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and i love him to death. but a couple of days ago we had a football game and i was there i just really didnt watch him cause he didnt play that much so i was talking to other guys just as friends and i guess i flirted with them and i didnt mean to! so his paerents saw me and took pictures of me and then showed him! and he wouldnt talk to me and he broke up with me now we are back togather though and his parents hate me! and he said he cant trust me or believe me now. so please tell me how i can get his parents yo like me and how i can get his trust back and for him to believe me!

taylor
07 Sep 2008, 14:39

motherhen
29 Aug 2008, 12:56

Lisa,
It sounds like he was openly affectionate with you in view of his family members, especially his mom... is this the case? Do you think there is a chance that his family likes you so well that they may be encouraging him to move forward with you and he wishes to make them happy but is not quite ready yet?
If that's a possibility can you think of a reason why he might want to seem to be interested in you more when in the company of his mother or other family members?
Assuming you didnt meet him when he was 5- you've known one & other and entertained romantic thoughts or flirtations for 10 years- this means he is probably old enough to be eligable- Lisa... could he be romantically interested in another woman who he worries his family would find less suitable? Could be be of another peruasion... and is unable to face it or tell his family? Is he using you to keep his family off his back?
I'd advise you to be very cautious here to keep from allowing yourself to be used and hurt by this man. Whether for physical or emotional reasons he keeps you at bay - but in reach he is not considering your best interests in this game. He might be just akward, shy, inept, I don't know- But ask him to disclose his feelings and either set you free or move forward to an actual date.
Good Luck,
motherhen

kelli anne
23 Aug 2008, 15:58

Me and boyfiend have been dating for a while now..8 months to be exact and we've been through alot. we argue all the time but we always end up making up somehow...i love my bofriend so much but in the back of my mind i know he's not THE ONE.. i try to lie to myself and say that we can make it work because he's sooo good to me,even when i dont deserve it but i cant keep going on wishing i was with someone else..i want to leave,but im afraid of what will come after the break up..Please help me!

Lisa
11 Aug 2008, 06:34

Maybe someone has some insight. 10 years ago I hooked up with my friends brother. Since then, every time we see each other we whind up talking on and on for weeks... however, this year we just started making that talking in person by hanging out a few times. The first time I watched a movie with him.. nothing happenned. He continued to call and everything. Problem was though, I was in another relationship at the time. I felt wrong for going out with him so I dropped all communication. Now it's 8 months later. We saw each other again at his families party. I didn' tknow too many people so he was sitting by me.. offering to get me things... asked to watch a movie with me, and every time he came by me, brushed his arm around my waist which I would say, he was doing more than just keeping me comfortable. Anyhow, we then hung out. He told me he wasn't looking for anything.... and I told him I wasn't a friend with benefits... yet we still had dinner together as friends. I went back to his house where I spoke to his mom for along while and then got ready to leave. I am very close to his family... As I started leaving he started nuzzling up to me.. hugging me, and then kissing which led into some touching and at that point I left. I text him and told him I was sorry I left.. I wanted to be with him but I wanted it to mean something. He wrote back saying maybe I should stay away and my response was .. ok.. if u say so... So, I did. I figured that was it.... but low and behold.. next day I get an email saying he doesn't want to keep me from work. Hopes I had a good time and says that he did... etc.... So, my male friend tells me to ask him for dinner next week since I obviously have athing for him... and he responds.. that would be great. Now, one minute he was telling me to stay away and the next accepting dinner invitations... meanwhile, tells me one day he'll have to take me to this restaurant he likes. Now, can someone please give me some advice on this and explain to me what is going through his head. My friends seem to think he's afraid... but who knows... help please.. and I"m seeing him on wed. Thank you! :)

Christina
09 Aug 2008, 12:03

so I've been dating this guy for about a year and half now...we get along very well, we've only had about four arguments, all of which have been seleted by talking it out calmly. Our friends don't believe it, but we really do get along.

But we have two problems. One is something I'm confused about...and the other is a problem I don't even know how to begin to solve.

He seems so busy!!! I admit my schedule is bit more open then his....as he's back in school and working full time. I've currently taken this semester off to get back into my writing and am working only part time.

When we hang out together lately he always seems to be rushed. I mean....we go out to lunch together and he seems to be in a hurry, we meet up and we end up having only a hour or so alone together before he wants to meet up with our friends. I'm starting to feel like a third wheel in my own relationship....I don't mind spending time with our friends...but why is it so hard to find some time alone together?

I feel like I have to rework my schedule AND his to get this to work!

The second problem is his father. Alright...now I'm not a super model....I have a little extra weight on me, but I've been going to the gym on a regular basis and I'm loosing weight at a steady pace. But his dad has told him at least three times that he doesn't like me because in so many words "She's not the super model I was expecting you to bring home."

My boyfriend has assured me many times he loves me, and he's proud of me for loosing weight and he loves me as I am...but it still hurts so much. It hurt more then I thought possible and I really am not sure how to handle that. nor do I know how to approach his father on it.

what should I do?

ITANI MUTAVHATSINDI
06 Aug 2008, 10:44

I have been with my girlfriend for more than one year.I love her too much and she love me more than anything else.We are both a university students.We are both apart,she is in JHB and i am in Pretoria.My problem is that i miss her a lot and feel like getting another girlfriend on her back.So what can i do?

Kelly
05 Aug 2008, 11:19

I was with my ex for 6 years and now we have split. It has been 3 weeks now. He split with me because he said he needed space and time to think but he also said that he has become close to a girl. He told me that she is only a friend and that is it. He doesnt like her in that way. He also tells me that he still loves me so much and also told this girl that he still loves me and that nothing will happen between them. I need advice on how to make him see sence that what he has lost... Please help me.

Kaylee
03 Aug 2008, 13:45

ok so there is this guy and idk he just seems like he is useing me all the time.. like when we hangout with our friends he acts like im not even there.. and when were alone he wont get off me.. idk but now were broken up and he has a new girl friends but he says he still likes me.. and he would get back together with me.. what do i say and doo?

PLEASE HELP >.<

jakiera
27 Jun 2008, 13:48

i have a boyfriend and he is so disrespectful he talks to girls in front of my face in lies to me he wont let me see is phone in when i do have it he screems at me in want it back. see im suppose to be going out with him but he like this girl named chrisyina he be on the phone with her and every thing one night i caught them talkin and he was like he wated to see her so when he came out the room i hit him with a cleek and its like he keeps doing it but i love him and i tried to talk to him.

ASIA WASHINGTON
11 Jun 2008, 16:19

ME AND MY BOYFRINED HAVE BEEN DATING FOR FOUR YEARS AND I LAVE HIM TO DEATH BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM I SAY I LOVE YOU BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. WE HAVENT DID ANYTHING CAUSE HE SAYS HE ALWAYS HAS TO WORK BUT I DONT THINK SO I THINK HIS CHEATING ON ME FOR ANOTHER GIRL I SAY AT HIS WORK. PLAEASE GIVE ME ADVICE WHAT SHOULD I DO TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME.

Redhead
20 May 2008, 05:49

Cameron,

I too am in a long distance relationship, we're 3 hours apart in NC. In that situation, trust is the most important aspect, and lying to her, you have jeopardized the very thing your relationship was running on. When there's that much geographical distance between you, the two of you have to be able to trust each other, and she doesn't feel she can, because as soon as she went back home, you got busted lying to her. She may wonder about the veracity of everything you say to her now. You may not be able to save this, since she's already broken things off, and is trying to move on by pushing you away. As a girl, I'd say all you can do now is level with her. Tell her you love and miss her, that the lie was a mistake, and you'd like the opportunity to earn her trust back, and make things work. If she agrees to try again, you'll have to follow through and do the work...and visit, visit, visit!!

Jeffrey Kishner
08 Apr 2008, 12:08

Sheepish, it could be that he enjoys the sex (or whatever you do alone) but is ashamed of you in some way. Perhaps, when he sees you two together through the eyes of a friend or stranger, he doesn't like what he sees -- he's judgmental, and hence pulls back from expressing intimacy.

If he changes the subject after you have expressed your feelings, he doesn't care to take your feelings into account. I agree with the Diva that you should move on and find someone who loves expressing affection towards you in public.

cameron
07 Apr 2008, 15:29

we have been dating for a while now and she was so in love with me. we spent every minute together and i was her whole world.. then i moved to north carolina and she moved with me but after about 4 months she couldnt find a job so she moved back down to virginia beach.. about 2 weeks after that i lied to her and we fell apart.. she broke up with me and she keeps pushing me so far away. is there anywyay you can give me advice on how to make our relationship better again?

He Doesn't Treat Me Like a Girlfriend

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Comments..(Not Questions)