Dear Diva Rebecca,

My husband and I have been married for almost five years, we have been together for a total of nearly ten years. We have always had a good relationship, no major problems or quarrels but lately it seems a bit strained. And I honestly don't know why. He seems so angry with me all of the time. He comes home from work and seems frustrated, I feel like I can't do anything right and he always seems frustrated with me or agitated. I have asked him if I have done anything wrong and why he is so upset all of the time. He says he is not mad at me. I have also asked him if he still loves me and he says yes. But it has been this way for six months and I don't know what to do to make him happier.

Sincerely,

Sad Wife,
Beaumount, Texas

Dear Sad Wife,

Well, I can't really speak for your husband because I honestly don't know what is going on with him and his life right now. He could be acting this way for any number of reasons. He could be depressed, or worried about something, he could be over stressed and over worked, he might not be getting enough sleep or physical activity, and he could be taking things out on you because he feels guilty about something (ie cheating). I had to put that last one out there but don't worry yourself silly, he probably isn't.

This happens to a lot of couples over time. Sometimes, the husband or wife gets down in the dumps and the relationship is what suffers. More than likely, he is still very much in love with you and would give his left leg just for your sake. But no amount of pushing or prodding him is going to make him wake up and start treating you like he used to. He is probably just in a rut right now, it will pass.

There are a bunch of things you can do to get both of you out of this rut! Planning and taking a vacation together can be a great idea. It will give you something to look forward to and you will have weeks before and after just talking about your trip. It will help to open up those lines of communication between you two.

You can also try changing your routine. Start taking walks together or try to do something active together on a regular basis. Get him started on a new hobby with a little bit of encouragement. You could even encourage him to spend a little more time with "the guys", he might need it. We all need time away from our partners. Women need "girl time", guys need "man time".

If you really want to see him smile again and soon, the most important thing you can do is remember to be sweet, loving and kind to him. When you ask him what is wrong and why is he acting so mad, it probably just makes him feel worse about himself. Instead, bite your tongue just a bit and start paying him compliments for anything and everything you can think of. Smile when he comes home, hug and kiss him and tell him how much you missed him and how happy he makes you. After a week of this wonderful treatment, he is bound to start showing some affection back. Why? Because everyone LOVES to feel the love. If you make him feel good about himself, he will start feeling good about himself all on his own. Remember, you are probably the most important person in his life, your opinion counts.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca