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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I am having a problem with my fiance's family. We are getting married soon and they are butting in on every small aspect and detail of our wedding. This is my wedding, not theirs and I can't help but feel completely annoyed! I have told my fiance how I feel and we been in a few arguments over this issue. He is not helping the situation and I think he should! He needs to tell his family to stay out, why won't he? It makes me feel like he does not want me to be happy and that makes me boil with rage! His family knows I am getting ticked off, why won't they stay out of this? If I want something one way, they want to change it! It is getting to point of being completely ridiculous. I am marrying him, NOT his family.
Delray Beach, Florida
Dear Angry Bride,
Au contraire, my dear. You DO marry the family when you marry the guy. His family is a part of him and always will be. His family will always remain a part of his life, they will always be around and they will always be connected. You must respect these connections. I don't know anything about his family and how they might be annoying you but you must stop fighting it. Of course there are lines they shouldn't cross but all you have to do is be firm about what you want instead of becoming angry or fighting with them. Did you ever see the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Great flick. And it deals with same issue just on a role reversal. Her family is controlling the entire wedding but the groom is not upset about it, he goes through it with a smile only happy about the situation because her family, although a royal pain in the ass, means well and is only butting in because they love her so much.
So what if his family wants in on the wedding details? They are happy for their son and family weddings are few and far between. They are an event for celebration and festivity. And for some women, they are the 'end all - be all' of life. They only want to help. Sure, some relatives are sticky to deal with, but you just have to put your best face forward and bite your tongue. You can remain in control of the situation without hurting anyone's feelings. Don't let it bother you so much! You might be thankful for them later.
You should be more concerned about your hubby-to-be. Of course he is getting irritated with the whole thing. There is nothing worse than when you significant other rebels against your family. It puts you between a rock and a hard place. You can not very well ask him to turn his back on his family just to boost your ego. That is not fair at all. His family will always be his family and that is just something you are going to have to deal with AND support. Learn to appreciate and accept his family. If his family wants to help with the wedding, consider it a blessing! You should be so lucky. Appreciate their knowledge and advice. Talk to them on the phone and even make plans with his family without your hubby. This will help you to become closer with them. You will see your irritation slip away the better you get to know them and see where they are coming from. This is also going to help your relationship in so many ways. When you start to get along with his family, he is going to feel so much better about the entire situation. You will help relieve that pressure that he has been feeling and he deserves this much. It will also give him a new found sense of respect and trust for you. Now when something is bothering you about the wedding, he will be more apt to deal with it logically instead of becoming defensive.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.