It's Good to Get Hurt

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    Hi, I'm Chase Oliver and I'm 32 years old.

    I was engaged to a woman named Sara, whom I was in love with more than anything...

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    It's Good to Get Hurt
    by Diva Rebecca

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    It doesn't really matter who you are, at some point in time you have been emotionally hurt. There are those who seem completely impervious to emotional pain. I am talking about the people who could use "ice" as their middle name, who could care less when you try to get a little close to them with some sort of emotional bonding experience and who rarely crack a smile. These are actually the people who have been either burned the hardest or are simply afraid of getting burned or hurt because they do so too easily and therefore they create their little wall of emotional resistance for future protection. Everyone gets hurt, everyone has been hurt and everyone deals with it a different way. No one is completely without emotional vulnerabilities.

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    But we all get at least one good thing out of being hurt, we learn from it. With the lessons we get from the pain of being hurt, we are able to grow and actively seek new relationships which are healthier and more constructive. We look for and appreciate people who treat us the way we wish to be treated. And if we are smart, we begin to stay away from the same people who create those destructive and emotionally difficult relationships in which we first got hurt.

    This is where the "nice guys" (or the nice girls) actually finish first. Think about it. The last time you were in a terrible relationship with someone who treated you poorly it felt rotten. But you stayed around because you just wanted that person to start treating you like he or she used to treat you. You don't want to give up on the relationship and so you sat around and endured the emotional pain which he or she inflicted upon you. You took it and make it even worse by staying around. And when the relationship finally met its breaking point, you were so internally crippled that you could barely crawl away. The end result? When you finally got over the pain and moved on, you actually appreciated someone who treats you just a little bit better and you began to develop relationships with a different sort of person.

    Not all relationships can cause hurt or grief which is so devastating and cage rattling as the one described above. Most people probably experience just a couple of these terrible drawbacks in their lifetime, hopefully. But all of us are prone to them because we are all very human, and we all have hearts which can break. When we do experience the pain of being treated poorly, being abandoned or separated or the mental anguish of physical or mental abuse, and live through it to see the other side, we learn from it. We move on from one personality to the next and make our acquaintances with people who are generally completely different from the previous mate, but treats us a heck of a lot better. We move on to the nice guy or the girl next door.

    Getting hurt not only helps us to be smarter when it comes time to deciding on the next relationship, it also helps us to decide when we have had enough. After you have been hurt in one way or another, most people won't stand for it again. You don't want to walk down that same dark road once more and so you fight it. If you begin to sense that same feeling of hurt you either create that emotional wall and protect yourself, or you just leave. In either case, most people won't taker it a second time and therefore, they have learned from their mistakes.

    Other people learn from emotional pain by changing their whole entire persona. They become a new and different person to conceal the pain and hurt they feel inside of them. Sometimes it is a person who has a history of causing emotional pain and grief to others who had been significantly hurt in the past. To deal with the pain, that person becomes emotionally irresponsible, callous and cold. There is no way to make a person like this open up. They have to do it all on their own.

    For the most part, getting hurt can be seen as a good thing. If you are hurt right now it certainly doesn't seem so. But when you look back upon the experience months or years down the road, you will be grateful for the experience and what it has taught you. You could be in a much better relationship and thanking your lucky stars that you finally got away from the bad one. And you could have learned from the past mistakes you made in a previous relationship. It is all a matter of perspective and time.

    Have any comments? Post them below. Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.