Cheating and Cheaters
by Diva Rebecca
Everyone has their own set of beliefs when it comes to cheating in a relationship. For example: Once a cheater always a cheater? Not necessarily. There are so many different kinds of cheating and cheaters and each relationship and affair is completely different, so I wouldn't be so quick to label or characterize a person as a low down dirty good-for-nothing tramp. Not that cheating in a relationship is ever a good sign or should be condoned, but if you must know, sometimes good people make bad decisions.
I had one friend tell me that if her husband had a one night stand with someone, and if it only happened once, she would rather never know. She feels that if he makes this mistake and regretted it, that regret would be punishment enough. She didn't think she should have to suffer if he a sudden urge for complete honesty and decided to confess his sin. She felt it would only hurt their relationship and the emotional pain and jealousy she would inevitably feel would torture her for far too long. Therefore, she would just rather not know.
My friend, who shall remain anonymous, is a pretty liberated woman. She is intelligent enough to know that sex is just sex. A one night stand is dirty sex and nowhere near the loving relationship which she holds with her husband. It would also be far from an affair. Now an affair would be different. If her husband was having a long term affair with another woman, she would want to know. Sex was one thing, emotional connection was another story. Now THAT was something she was just not willing to share.
I think many of us would feel the same way. If a man or a woman made a terrible mistake by cheating and it was a one time thing....should that information be divulged? Is it worth risking the entire relationship over? The answer will be different for each person but I think it is something which should be discussed in a relationship. For example, if you highly disagreed with this philosophy, you simply tell your significant other that he or she better be honest at all times with you, because you WILL eventually find out the truth whether you were looking for it or not. That will end all questions on the topic.
Of course there is no real open and shut case for cheating because there are so many different kinds of cheating and cheaters. For example:
The Drunken Night Cheat - Even the good guy can fall from grace with one stupid night with his friends. It doesn't mean he will do it again, it could even be a learning experience. Every once in a while a great guy (or girl), committed in his relationship, will succumb to the effects of alcohol and be persuaded by the opposite sex to commit acts of infidelity he would never have even thought about. Some people say that people do and say what they really mean when they are drunk. I don't believe that for a second. Not after all of the stupid stuff I pulled when I have been drunk (and regretted severely).
The Fear of Breaking Up Cheater - Instead of actually doing the right thing and breaking up with someone, some people just have a hard time ending the relationship for fear of hurting that person, and just move on to the next without actually ending the first relationship. These people are just plain weird (or immature). Instead of actually notifying the person about the end of the relationship, they let that person know by beginning a new and public relationship with someone new. This is most commonly seen in high school. For people to do it after their teen years signifies a serious problem with commitment, relationships and probably IQ.
The Habitual Cheater - There are people who will never change. There are many reasons why a man or woman feels tied to one person, yet needs to constantly break away and have various affairs with other people. That person might not be having their sexual needs met or their emotional needs, or that person could just be a slimeball in general, completely incapable of understanding what it means to be in a relationship.
The BBD Cheater - One of the worst offenders in my book. This cheater will be happy and stable in a relationship, but will always keep one eye peeled for the BBD (the Bigger, Better Deal). As soon as one comes along who looks better (looks, body, money), he or she completely forgets about his previous commitments and rushes off to be with the BBD. The most common occurrence of the BBD cheater is the gold digger female. Watch out...she has fangs.
The Revenge Cheater - Can this one be forgiven or not? Sometimes it is a bad sign, sometimes it is completely understandable. A man or woman in love can sometimes be so outraged at the infidelity of his partner, that he exacts revenge by having meaningless sex with someone else. That person just might need to feel loved by someone else, because the hurt he felt by his partner made him feel unloved. Or, he could be trying to hurt her just as badly as he was hurt. When someone gets hurt, they tend to do stupid things such as becoming the revenge cheater. But it could also be a sign of severe emotional instability.
Whatever the reason, whatever the case may be, everyone is going to have their own opinions on cheating. Some people will never forgive, some people will forgive time and time again. Some people make mistakes and some people do it on purpose. Some people feel regret while others don't even realize the mistake they have made. Although cheating just plain sucks and hurts good people, it happens all the time, more than we would like to admit. And it can happen to anyone. Humans screw up.
Still, rest assured that not everyone cheats or even has cheated in the past! There are many people that have learned from past mistakes in their youth and would never cheat again, and even more still that would never cheat and never will.
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Hi, I'm Chase Oliver and I'm 32 years old.