Dear Diva Rebecca,

I have been married for only five years to a wonderful man whom I love dearly. We got married young, I am only 26 years old now. Recently I have been thinking about other women. It is worse than that. While I was on vacation with a few of my closest friends a few weeks ago, I had a sexual encounter with another woman. I still have not told my husband. I am worried that I am really a lesbian or maybe even that if I told my husband he would divorce me. I love him so much but I can not stop thinking about women!

Sincerely,

A Married Bi-Curious Woman
Salem, MA

Dear Married Bi-Curious Woman,

You did get married a wee bit too young. You never had much time to get out there and gain more life experiences, including sexual experiences. You see, men bloom and go through puberty about the time when our main concern is our prom dress. But for us, we mature late in sexuality. In this aspect, we got lucky. We have more time, more brains and a higher level of intellect and maturity to explore the vast possibilities of sex and passion.

You are going through a difficult period right now and this is only because you are going through it alone. You can't really talk about it to your best friend who should be your husband, and you are probably afraid to talk to your friends about it. You don't want anyone to think of you as a cheater. So this great desire of yours is probably making you feel a lot of anxiety as well as isolation.

If you had remained single up until now you would be able to freely discuss your curiosity with whomever you desired and you would be able to fulfill your interest with experiences. But you are not so you need to able to deal with this as best as possible.

Just because you are thinking about women, it does not necessarily mean you are a lesbian, nor a freak nor abnormal. It is very normal for women to think about other women in a sexual way. You can thank sex in mass campaigning for that. Think about it: Every day we see women's bodies in magazines, billboards, commercials, movies and TV shows being portrayed as sexual objects. Men are not the only ones to see this. It gets ingrained in the minds of men and women alike. The female body = sex, lust, passion. It is simply normal nowadays for women to be attracted to other women.

Once the idea gets into your head, a woman can seem more appealing than men. They are softer, sweeter, smell great and feel great. Not only that but when something is taboo it can make it all the more exciting.

My guess is that you are just experiencing what nearly all women experience at some point in their lives. I don't think you are a latent lesbian. But you should talk to someone about it. See a therapist if you need to, but no more cheating on your husband. It is still cheating if it is with another woman. Fantasize all you want, it is very healthy.

Eventually, you may want to talk to your husband about it. You could tell him that it is a fantasy of yours. It would probably excite him! Men love that sort of thing. But if he does get upset, then you need to rethink the relationship because understanding is a major part of any commitment.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca