Dear Diva Rebecca,

I'm a 28 year old that just lost his girl. I been with her for two years and she is the best thing that has happened in my life. She doesn't drink at all or smoke... and my friends all tell me that she is the one. Anyway, we broke up in March because she found some pornographic video tapes of me and my ex. She also knows I was with her at the time because of the clothes I wore in the video. Anyway, she took me back a month ago, and two weeks later she caught my ex hiding in my house when she came by. I know I'm stupid, but my ex just wanted to come over to say good bye due to her moving to another state. The thing is, my ex changed into a dress making it look like we had done something. What should I do? I really want my girl back. She doesn't believe my story. I don't blame her though, but that is what really happened.

Sincerely,

Confessed Cheater,
Cooperstown, North Dakota

Dear Confessed Cheater,

I would not have believed you either. In fact, I don't believe you now.

Thank you for your honesty. It helps with assessing the problem. I don't want to completely bash you, but what were you thinking? You have already cheated on her once with your ex, and then you made a video of your transgression. Did you want to get caught? You even left the video around in your own home for your girlfriend to find. I can not honestly believe that you truly love your girlfriend if you sleep with your exes and are so bold to make video of it. The fact that you want to immortalize your affairs on tape means that you enjoy having affairs and you think that nothing is wrong with them. When most people cheat on their beloved, they recognize their heinous mistake and they usually make all efforts to cover it up. They will discard telltale clothing, erase phone numbers and emails from their phones and computers and want nothing to do with that other person. You, on the other hand, are keeping mementos. This tells me that you find your affair to be completely normal and you are okay with them. You know that cheating is wrong, but you do not really care.

And then she caught you again with the same ex in your house changing clothes and, most suspiciously, hiding. Tell me, if there was nothing going on, why did you stash your ex away in attempts to hide her from your girlfriend? If there was nothing going on, and everything was innocent, you would not have tried to hide her. And why would he be changing at your house? True, there may have actually been nothing going on, but that fact that you are a cheater tells me that there was.

Most people that cheat usually do so all of the time. Your girlfriend probably assumes that you have cheated before on numerous occasions. I would suspect so as well. You may have had affairs before and maybe not. Either way, it may be because you are not satisfied enough with your current girlfriend. Something could be emotionally or physically lacking in your relationship leading to your infidelity. That being the case, maybe you should move onto another woman or start dating again altogether. There should be a woman out there for you who will whoop your butt into shape. Someone out there will be able to harness all of your attention and you would never even dream of cheating.

Right now, your girlfriend is suffering from a hurt ego. She has been slapped in the face by your lack of dedication. The only thing you can do at this moment is beg and plead. There are a number of things that couldn't hurt and will help the situation, but they will be hard to do. It really depends on how much you love her and how willing you are to get her back. She feels slighted by this other woman. The one thing that she would love right now is for you to show her the utmost love and devotion IN FRONT of your ex-girlfriend. There are a number of ways you could do this. For example, you could have a three way telephone conversation where you tell your ex to leave you alone because you are in love with your girlfriend. I know, how embarrassing. But your girlfriend needs to hear it. She needs to hear you proclaim your love for her by shouting it from the mountaintops. She needs to know how upset you are, how sorry you are and, of course, how miserable you are. Send her flowers, cards and candy. Let her know that you are the only thing that matters to you. Throw your pride out the window and grovel. It is going to take a while, but she is going to have to build up her trust again so give it time.

And the next time you think about cheating, stop right there. She will always find out, sooner or later.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca