Dear Diva Rebecca,

I'm just wondering how to get my ex out of my head. I know you have the book about how to get an ex back but I just want to forget about him. Every time I try not to talk to him, he either calls me or I start thinking about him. I just don't know what to do so I was wondering if you could help me.

Sincerely,

Mind without Power,
Ukiah, California

Dear Mind without Power,

That is a good question. Although I would think many people would ask me this question, you are the first.

Your first problem is that he calls you. He is trying to stay in your life. You must sever all lines of communication because if you talk to him here and there, or hear from him somehow, he is obviously not getting out of your mind, is he? Do not answer any of his calls, do not listen to the messages he leaves, do not return his calls, do not answer his emails or text messages. Erase his phone number from your phone and remove his email from your email and IM list. Block him on your IM and block his emails as well. This will help to remove the temptation to call him, email him or worse.....drunk dial him.

Now, if he gets a little peeved that you have not called him back or when he gets an email saying that his email to you was blocked, he may try and practically hunt you down. You may have to tell him in one brief conversation or email (email is better) that you would like to sever all communications with him and tell him (don't ask him) to not contact you anymore. At least now he will know what is going on. If he keeps trying to contact you after that, ignore him. If he actually comes to your house, God forbid, do not answer the door as tempting as it may be. He will eventually stop his nonsense after a while.

Next, start dating. Date, date, date. Date as much as you can. Eventually you will meet someone who will take your mind off your ex. Wouldn't that be great!? You will always end up dating some toads, a few freaks and a complete wack job here and there. But every so often you will meet Mr. Fabulous and your world will be turned upside down. Do you remember how great it was when you first met your ex? That can and will happen again.

Of course you also need to do the basics. Work out at the gym, diet and focus on your body. The best fix for any kind of depression is keeping your body in shape. The more you exercise, the more your body will release those happy endorphins which will help you get out of any depressed state. Find time to hang out with the girls and if you feel the need to talk to "him", call a girlfriend instead. Pamper yourself with some shopping, new clothes, new shoes (a must for any woman in need), facials, manicures and massages. Start focusing on YOURSELF rather than him.

Finally, the best defense against a stubborn memory is time. It may take a while but you will still think of him from time to time and it may be a little while before you completely recover. Do not worry about this. Your fleeting dreams of him are completely normal and they will fade with each day that goes by. Just give it time.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca