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Opposites Don't Attract
by Diva Rebecca

Psychological and personality researchers will tell you that the happiest couples and the couples who last the longest have the most similarities between them. We have all heard the notion that opposites attract, but in all actuality it is the opposite of this adage which is true. People who are similar in personalities and life experiences lead the most harmonious relationships in the long run. But those similarities are not just limited to personalities. They also extend to physical appearance.

Have you ever noticed any couples who actually look alike? I began thinking about this concept when my Aunt told me that my significant other and I look alike. I had never thought about it before. I began to look at some of my friends and family who were in long standing relationships. For example, my sister and her husband both have extremely pronounced Irish baby faces coupled with the smallest noses ever. A good friend of mine from high school, Rick, has a very unusual face. He has extremely large eyes which are set very wide apart on his face. I just realized that his wife of many years now has the same large and wide set eyes. If you did not know these two, you would think they were brother and sister! I had just never noticed it before, until I started looking.

I had just been thinking about this concept when my friend, Rich, told me he was coming over with his girlfriend last week. He has been with this girl for a number of years, off and on, but I had never met her before. When you first meet Rich, the most noticeable feature which catches your attention is his extremely wide shoulders. He is a big guy, very tall and lean, but his shoulder span is beyond proportionate. He could have been a linebacker. He arrived at my house last week with his girlfriend in tow. He was beaming with pride. He had been waiting for us to meet for a long time. She walked in and I had to cover my mouth to prevent a laugh from bursting forth. She had the broadest shoulders that I had ever seen on a woman. It was the very first thing I noticed. And just like Rich, she was thin and wiry.

Researchers recently did a study which suggested that we all look for similar features to our own in people when regarding a new friendship or relationship. We look for these similar features because, to us, they suggest a similar personality. So while we might be attracted to someone with a square jaw or pronounced nose, we don’t realize that these physical features we are attracted to are actually our perception of someone we might be able to get along with. Because, although we might not realize it, we are more attracted to people who are similar in personality and life experiences.

For some reason I keep thinking about the movie Silence of the Lambs. Specifically, when Hannibal told Clarice that we covet what we see every day. I know, strange thought, but everyone knows the movie so why not? Now think about it. What do we see every day? Ourselves, in the mirror.

Another study showed that the older a couple got, the more that they began to look like each other. You might wonder how this could happen, but the answer is simple. After years of being with the same person, your tastes begin to mesh. Older couples will dress alike and even wear the same colors. They eat the same foods and might gain or lose the same weight. The longer you are together, the more you mimic each other. So people who laugh the same way use the same facial muscles, and therefore the same laugh lines can develop. These are just a few examples of the way couples begin to resemble each other. It is amazing how many similarities which you were not born with can develop between couples over the years!